The Moments - Chapter 5: "Daddy Need A Bib"

                Some of the greatest varieties of sweet, funny, and thought-provoking moments that I have experienced with my son have come while dining with him.  Simply engaging in one of the most frequent habits of sustaining life has opened a hundred windows for me into Joey’s intellect, handling of routine (very important for a little one), sense of humor, and overall development.  I, now, often think back to when TV Land and a few other cable networks promoted an initiative called “The Family Table” to encourage families to make dinnertime as a family a more frequent occurrence (as we know is often difficult in today’s world).  I now understand the philosophy and importance of that pursuit more than ever since I can now think in the roles of both the kid (a million years ago) and the parent.  In the narrowest sense, my family consists of Joey and me.  But, whether it is just the two of us dining together or our sharing a meal with friends and family, I always find Joey making what seems routine anything but a standard practice.  Let’s take a few stops along the timeline of the dining history of Joey Grimes…

                Feeding Joey was one of the first categories of activities in which I found myself really trying to “read” my son.  As he was slowly starting to consume real food (anything beyond breast milk and that awful cereal mush that babies eat), his verbal communication was also just beginning to develop.  While experiencing and tasting everything for the first time (and not fully understanding alternatives), Joey had the right to be human and reject some of the things he was fed.  Back then, it was all about waiting for the sounds of enjoyment, neutral tolerance, or all out rejection and watching for the facial expressions that said “This is good.  I’ll keep this on the menu,” or “Seriously, Daddy.  You think I want THIS?”  It was an interesting time.  Even when Joey could speak a word or two at a time, but only a few words at that, it was an exercise in focusing on the “language without words.”  As real verbal communication between us has evolved (actually skyrocketed in recent weeks), it is nice to get more direct input and then simply try to answer the question, “So, do you not like this food at all, or do you just not want any now?”

                As a child passing from baby to toddler often does, Joey keeps much conversational focus on the here and now.  Therefore, mealtime conversation often dwells on just that, the meal, along with the people around him and the place where he is eating.  He also, of course, throws out some random thoughts in between bites.  In the beginning, there were more matter-of-fact declarations of what Joey saw on the table in front of him.  If he was being fed a food for which he knew the name, he would simply state it.  If he didn’t know the name, he might call it by another food’s name (Mama says I did the same thing in a bygone era).  There were several different forms of bread and chicken and cheese during those months.  As that identification system was developing in his mind, he also figured out certain standard dishes or drinks that the people around him consumed.  Early on, I would see Joey pointing at my drink and saying, “Daddy, Diet Coke,” or “Daddy, ade” (“ade” was his general name for Kool-Aid or lemonade for a while).  He now knows the soft drink of choice of all our closest associates.  He sort of checks the servers at restaurants to make sure they bring everyone the right beverage, and he sometimes tries to slip in a request for some type of Coke for himself.  As his mental processing, verbal expressions, and understanding of food and drink have further grown, Joey now recognizes when others are eating or drinking something different and questions them about it.  “What you eating, Daddy?” is a very common question I hear.  When I answer with something different than what Joey has, he gets a curious grin and responds with interest.  When I answer with the same thing that is in front of him, Joey usually smiles and answers with “I eating that too!”  It is such a little thing, but it’s when he lights up because he is doing something like his Daddy that makes the moment precious. 

                As his ability to identify foods without asking their names has grown, I have found myself, on just a couple of occasions, trying to keep Joey from being too intrigued by certain junk foods.  Maybe this falls under the category of “having a toddler should make me examine my own eating choices.”  Yes, exactly, I should, and I do.  However, we sometimes digress and buy the generic Cheetos that were on sale and try not to let Joey fall in love with their fake cheesy goodness.  One night, while I enjoyed a few, Joey asked his classic question, “What you eating, Daddy?”  Being concerned about his potential to yearn for this tasty treat, I said, “Oh, you wouldn’t like this.  It’s broccoli.  Yucky, old broccoli.  I’ll get rid of it for you.”  He waited a while before questioning me again.  At that point, I let him try a couple.  He liked them but didn’t lunge for more, so I thought, “Ok.  This is safe.  He won’t be coming after them too much.”  Good for Joey.  They’re bad for him (but so good!).  I didn’t think much else about it until, several days later, he saw me eat a few more.  I emptied the bag.  After we ate, I got up from the table and threw the empty bag away, only to hear from Joey, “Where broccoli go?”  No broccoli in our house!  “It’s all gone, son.  I threw the package away.  We got rid of that old broccoli mess.”  Whatever we call it, Joey and I don’t need a lot of the generic Cheetos (but maybe the real ones).

                Joey was never a child who rejected wearing a bib much, but he has long recognized that he’s usually the only one at the table who wears one when he is with me.  I never thought about it much until after a couple of meals at which I dropped something and Joey watched very intently as food landed on the table or the floor or my clothes.  My girlfriend, Krista, had fun telling Joey that “Daddy needs a bib.”  Without any prompting after that, if I ever drop anything at a meal, I hear Joey say, “Daddy need a bib.”  It’s become a mealtime mantra for us (even if I don’t drop anything).  Joey is actually a pretty clean eater most of the time.  I used to have fears that all babies and toddlers thrive on being messy, but I think that was just brought on by growing up watching those StainMaster Carpet commercials.  (I loved the one with the fast music!)  Whenever Joey drops a piece of food on his highchair tray, he picks it up and eats it and says “Scoop and eat!”  It was a routine we developed before he could do much with his eating utensils.  Now, he tells me to scoop and eat.  Maybe Daddy really just needs a bib.

                Though Joey has developed a taste for a variety of items from all of the food groups (his devotion to corn-on-the-cob was sparked by my Daddy, and I still love watching him help Joey eat it), he has certain standard picks for each meal of the day and goes through phases of just wanting a set dish for multiple days in a row (we all do!).  As much as I want to give him what he asks for, I know that it isn’t good for him to stay stuck on one dietary track.  If I can assume what he will ask for but know that he’s had it enough over a short span of time, I try not to ask and just announce the menu for a meal.  There’s a difference in taking requests and giving the people what they want or need.  I ran into this a lot when he went through a major SpaghettiO’s phase (or “O’s” as Joey simply calls them).  We still split a can of them for supper every once in a while.  But, when he was particularly obsessed with them, I quickly learned that it may be better not to take requests in the kitchen for multiple days in a row if the request is always the same.  Joey’s pattern and my knowledge of this still meet on the topic of breakfast quite often.  After his mother told me how much Joey enjoyed instant grits with cheese melted on them, I bought a box and thought it would be a nice addition to the collection of breakfast options.  Months later, Joey still reminds me that it is his top pick in the morning, and I always have instant grits on hand.  Virtually every time I ask him what he would like for breakfast, I hear “Gwits!”  R’s and L’s still often come out as W’s.  Thus, if I intend to prepare us something different, I just don’t ask.  On a few Saturday mornings, I’ve enjoyed taking Joey to the Shoney’s near our apartment to engage in an indisputable American tradition – the Shoney’s breakfast buffet.  He loves it.  I love it.  All God’s children love it.  Grits, potatoes cooked in various forms, bacon, sausage, French toast sticks, plenty of other things that take syrup – he indulges in it all.  About three weeks after the last such outing, I asked Joey what he wanted for breakfast, assuming he would ask for grits.  With great deliberate enunciation, my son looked into my eyes and answered with, “Shoney’s.”  Yes, Shoney’s is now a food that can be made in any kitchen.  Enjoy!  With a laugh in my voice, I simply replied with, “Well, Shoney’s is great for breakfast.  But, what do you want for breakfast that I can make here at home?”  To this, I was answered with a confident, “Gwits.”  The universe was back in balance.

                Speaking of restaurants, Joey has developed quite an affinity for the International House of Pancakes.  In fact, it’s a brand he spots on the road more often than most.  As close as we live to one, he sometimes acknowledges that we are almost home by shouting, “That’s IHOP!  That’s IHOP!”  My mother has enhanced this bond for him, too.  As there’s one near my home and one near enough to my parents’ home, she and Daddy have taken Joey to IHOP on a few occasions without me in addition to the times we’ve been there together.  Joey also takes the name “IHOP” literally and wants to hop to the door, into the door, up to the table, and (if the highchair can’t hold him) at the table.  Even when he’s nowhere near the restaurant, he’ll start jumping and yell, “I hop!”  He puts on a show at any restaurant, but he feels the most at-home in a place that he believes is soliciting him to jump.  Who wouldn’t?  He always seems to get a jolt of energy there.  One of our last trips to IHOP was on a Friday night that my mother (Mama Tee) was spending with us.  I picked Joey up after work, and he and I met Krista and Mama at the IHOP near mine and Joey’s apartment.  As soon as we all converged on the citadel of 24-hour breakfast, Mama was talking to him and asking him if he was excited to be at IHOP.  He sure was!  Was he planning to eat pancakes at IHOP?  Yes indeedy!  We soon realized just how excited he was about those pancakes as soon as we got to a table.  No sooner than he had been lifted into a highchair, Joey flung his head back as if to aim a look at the kitchen.  Then, he yelled, “Where’s my pancakes?!”  We hadn’t ordered yet, but Joey was ready.  We got our drinks, we ordered our food, and we waited a few minutes.  A server walked near our table with a tray of food for another table.  Joey was tempted.  Again, he said (not quite as loud as before), “Where’s my pancakes?!”  I told Joey that they were coming but that shouting for them wouldn’t get them to us any faster.  Being the understanding little man that he is, he leaned over toward me and pulled me to him, then whispered “Where’s my pancakes?”  They got there soon, he ate them like a pro, and we all walked out of the restaurant laughing and saying, “Where’s my pancakes?!”  One day, perhaps Joey will invest in some IHOP stock and suggest a PA system at every table.

                Regardless of the funny moments or random topics that Joey might bring up at the table, he makes every dining experience extra sweet when he prays before eating.  Even before he could recite a blessing, all I had to do was say “Joey, let’s get ready to eat,” and he would instantly fold his hands and bow his head.  He is just as likely, now, to lead that moment and tell me he’s ready to pray and eat.  While all the words aren’t coming out in their common pronunciation (“daily bread” is now “dobby bwead”), Joey usually leads the prayer before any meal he eats with me.  We’ve come a long way from just hoping he would let me put a spoon of mushy baby cereal in his mouth.  Now, when we’re together, it’s kind of like the “Grimes Men’s Supper Club.”  Come and join us sometime!  Joey might put on a show for you.  If nothing else, he’ll get those pancakes to your table on time and offer you a bib if you need it.

Nothin' But the Music - Track 5

                I’m a big fan of “the family band” concept, as I believe that some groups of relatives have an almost magical vocal bond that makes them blend musically in a different way than any other groups.  There are many famous examples, some of which I’ve featured in this series on the blog (The Bee Gees and Gladys Knight & the Pips).  I also have several relatives of my own that have so often amazed me when they joined together in song and reminded me that blood is thicker than sound waves.  So, for “track 5” on my blogged playlist, I think it appropriate to honor the power of five – The Jackson 5.  A group that really needs no introduction, they have spawned more hits, more notable solo music careers, and more items of publicity (both good and bad) than any of us could count.  Discovered by Gladys and Bubba Knight in Indiana and crafted and promoted by an ambitious Diana Ross and the inventive Berry Gordy at Motown, the original powerhouse group of singing brothers charted new territory when they entered the national stage.  It would be incredibly tough to feature all of their best quality work.  So, for the sake of simplicity, here is my own top five by The Jackson 5.  Let me know how closely we agree.

#5 – “I Want You Back” – The first big hit by the brothers from Gary, this is a toe-tapping, volume pumping tune that makes you feel good from the first few notes.  It is also one of those songs that you simply must watch them perform, rather than just hear.  A great example of patented Jackson family choreography. 

#4 – “I’ll Be There” – A heavily and well-covered hit, this was one of the first tunes with which the Jacksons proved that they could sing feelings and concepts beyond their age.

#3 – “Dancing Machine” – Another perfect example of a song that was written for the Jacksons to perform live, this song has a kind of obvious hidden meaning.  Though the song talks about a girl being “a dancing machine,” the greatest dancing machines of all time are the young men who sang about her.  This is a great pumped-up beat to get you going if the morning is starting off too slow.

#2 – “Never Can Say Goodbye” – Another heavily-covered hit, the Jacksons performed this song of not letting go with its best known balance of R&B soul and early 70s pop.  This tempo put it squarely between the other two most noted versions – Isaac Hayes with a slower, deeper soulful rendition and Gloria Gaynor with a fast-paced straight up disco version.  The Jackson brothers’ harmony still makes theirs stand out.

#1 – “Can You Feel It?” – You may not agree that this is the top Jackson tune, but I love it.  It’s one of the songs that defines the later years of their career as a group and pumps me up every time I hear it.  Any group that would name a “Victory Tour” had to have a song like this.  The extended music video that Michael made was interesting too.  The song alone is enough, though, and proves a staple on the lists of great “feel good” soul tunes.  That’s what the Jackson 5 did best.  When they asked “can you feel it?”, thanks to their music, we could all answer “Yes we can!”